I have recently found out that currently Celiac is present for my body. Relieved to understand some of the strange things that have been happening the last few months i am excited to give my body what it needs to keep me healthy. When it comes down to it, all this really means is that i can no longer eat Gluten. A little tough, as is any dietary restriction, although completely manageable and easier to do as more and more things are now labeled "Gluten Free." As the first few days passed i found myself reading labels, asking questions at restaurants and sorting out for my self what is now allowed and not allowed in my diet. A great opportunity to say goodbye and release attachments to certain foods that have been a large part of my diet. You never know the power that food has over you until you can no longer eat it.
Reflecting on my "Self" i began to realize that from this moment on my "Self" would no longer be the same. One moment I was someone who could eat Gluten and the next moment i was not. Adding on yet another attribute to the story that makes the self. Along with all of the other things i already had going for me, Male, 25 years old, Engineer, Enjoys live music, etc ... Another label has been added to the list "Gluten Free." So what here has really changed ? How do these small events and conditions change who we are ? In this case there has been a shift in my biology and a new thought and belief about that shift. Does this somehow change who I am ? Or does it just change the current causes and conditions that manifest my impermanent sense of Self.
What is the "Self" anyway and does it even exist ? Many spiritual traditions have made claims that the "Self" is in fact illusory and that realizing "No Self" can bring us closer to understand who we really are. When the self is investigated through the practice of meditation a common insight is that the self is empty of inherent existence. It is not something solid and unchanging that you can expect to be the same forever. One of the causes of suffering in our lives is the clinging to this delusional concept, that the self is permanent and real unto itself. When you concentrate your awareness on the various components that may be your self; thoughts, images, feelings and sensations you recognize that none of these things can be who you are because it is the "who you are that is aware of them in the first place." As your awareness deepens to include subtler and subtler aspects of your experience your sense of self begins to dissolve as you become aware of more things that are not you. Noticing even a thought not as "my thought" but just "a thought", something that is present in the field of awareness. Eventually as you become aware of everything you realize that you are nothing. All that is left is that which is aware, the substrate consciousness, the who you are that is continuous throughout this lifetime.
Coming back to a more mainstream scientific view of reality does not offer any better evidence for a intrinsic "Self." If you ask any Neuroscientist to show you where the self is in the brain, there is nothing for them to point to. There is not a specific region or function in our brains that accounts for our sense of self. In fact many areas of our brain responsible for various functions work together to create different aspects of what we call our "Self." You can remove anyone of these functions and the sense of self still exists, although it might be impaired by normal standards. It is believed that the self is an emergent property of these differentiated regions of the brain linked together through neural integration. So rather than the self being a real thing it is better described as a ever changing and evolving process of integrating the different parts of your life (and brain) into a coherent whole. Recognizing this allows you to see the "Self" for what it truly is. Yes the self does exist and it is a major component of your moment to moment experience but it is not who you are. It is yet another process available for you to be aware of at any given time. Just as you can be aware of a thought as "a thought" and not "my thought" you can be aware of the self as "a self" not "my self." By letting go of the grasping to the parts of the self that we like and the aversion to the parts of the self that we dislike, we can rest in the simplicity of being aware of the self with out judgment. This allows us to use the self in order to act instead of being used by the self to react.
As I understand and accept the conditions that are now present for me, I am aware of this shift in my sense of self. Although my story may have changed, the awareness inside of me is still the same. No matter the causes and conditions that influence your impermanent process of self, know them for what they truly are. Just another experience present to what you truly are, pure awareness, witnessing the flow of mental events moment by moment.
Metta,
Danny